Herald Express: We must do more to support bereaved families

In 2002, when our youngest was five months and our eldest was two, my beloved husband was diagnosed with terminal oesophageal cancer.  

A year later, he died. You cannot explain to a baby or a toddler what death means. All they know is: one day their parent is there, the next he is gone.  

I remember my youngest, who had just learned to say the word “dada”, going round the house opening doors, looking for him because she could not find him.  

I did not know much about the impact of bereavement on children then, but in the decades since, I have learned quite a lot.  

One thing I have learned is that in an awful way I was one of the luckier widows.  

You see, because I was bereaved before 2017, I received the widowed parent’s allowance – a payment funded by the national insurance contributions my husband made during his 20 years of full-time work.

That money was a lifeline. While children are navigating their loss, the challenge of becoming a single parent at the same moment you are bereaved cannot be overstated.  

Trying to hold down a job, bring in a wage, while being a grieving single parent to grieving children is immensely difficult. But that allowance made all the difference.  

It allowed me to work part time, to be present for my children and keep them stable while the world felt unsafe and scary. It helped pay for childcare and a few out-of-school activities so my children could live the same life as their peers.  

In other words, it made our lives, if not normal, then at least secure, and helped iron out some of the disadvantage of being a bereaved family. But for widows today, the outlook is very different.  

In 2017, the previous Conservative government replaced the widowed parent’s allowance with the bereavement support payment (BSP) – an 18-month flat-rate payment paid regardless of the child’s age.  

That decision severed the historical link between national insurance contributions and long-term family protection, and drew cross-party criticism, including from the Liberal Democrats. 

At its heart is an assumption that is insulting to anyone who has experienced a loss: that grief only lasts 18-months.  

Bereavement lasts a lifetime and for children it returns again and again in huge, destabilising waves every time they reach different stages of growth and understanding of what death really means. As a parent, you must go through it repeatedly as they age, reliving your loss and trauma as distress rears its head in different ways and shapes. 

There is another assumption, too: that 18 months is enough time to offer support. How can this be right when the loss of a loved one can see household income drop by 100% in the case of single-earner homes?  

To make matters worse, BSP has not been uprated since 2017. In that time, the cost of an average food shop has gone from £84 to nearly £119. Rent from £754 to £1,367. Petrol from 118p to 135p per litre.  

All this means that the BSP is now worth over £3k less in real terms for bereaved families with children compared to 2017. The minimum the government should do is uprate BSP in line with inflation.  

If it wants to go a step further and correct historic wrongs, it should also begin conversations about reinstating a bereavement payment that lasts until children leave school. We must give these children the best chance of overcoming the impact of the death of a parent and offer support which irons out the disadvantages stemming from their loss.  

Bereavement is a long, complicated, and difficult journey. Adding financial hardship to it is unjust and discriminatory, and it is time it ended.